Modern War
Attention all units! Here is Police Station 23rd. The local so-called “worldwide clown rebellion” has been subdued here in Buenos Aires. The last five cronies are right now in jail. So far the coast is clear and everything looks calm. We wait for orders and more news from around the world. Over!
“Martha, I think should see this” said the officer next to the dispatcher .
A mob of lovely old ladies was approaching the station.
Fast enough the policemen lift up a barricade to persuade them.
“Ladies please, there’s nothing to see here. Turn around and clear the area. Thank you”
The group stopped and the woman in the lead limped to the barricade.
“Oh hello dear! How are you? My friends and I … you see? ... we would like you to release the clowns now, if you please” She said very politely.
“Is this a joke? Of course not!”
“IS THIS A JOKE YOU PUNK?” And she hit the officer with her umbrella knocking him out.
“ATAAAAAAACK!!!!! Release the dogs!
Three fluffy, puffy very cute dogs were released, they run to where the officers were and start biting and fighting as if there were no tomorrow! Some police officers were being chased and bitten in the tushies by these wild beasts. The others were so confused they didn’t know what to do.
“SEND THE DECOY!” Someone shouted.
A special force police officer appeared in the bike with a cat attached to his back. The dogs saw this and chased him at once out sight.
“REGROUP! Ladies, prepare your purses”. A line of ladies was formed in front. They all armed with very heavy purses which they were moving as if the bags were full of air. “FIRE!!!!”
Purses started flying all over. Hitting indiscriminately whoever was in front. Several officers were knocked out …. Others were knocked out again! Umbrellas were being used as lances, it was mayhem!
Reinforcements arrived and they were not warmly welcome! A basket hit the first fireman to get there in the…well…in his privates.
“CAVALRY GO!” Two fragile- looking ladies appeared on skates.
“Oh my feet! Watch my feet!” was all you could hear.
“We need back up. Send the mail!”
Suddenly the post was there and all was calm for a moment. The ladies seemed confused.
“Ma’am, there’s a telegram for you”
“Is there? For me dear? Oh! How nice, lovely.” She took the telegram and read under her breath. “You are fired” Surprised was shown in her face, with her eyes wide open and like in slow motion she shouted “WE ARE BEEIG FIRED!!!! RETREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!”
All the ladies screamed and start running away, telegrams were flying all over.
“SHE IS HIT! ELSA IS HIT!! Oh you bastards! BRING THE FISH” They all got near a small wagon full of rotting fish. Elsa was again up on his feet but very taken aback. Someone started doing some push-ups. A fire fighter got on the roof of his car and started talking with the megaphone.
“Please ladies calm down!”
A trout hit him hard in the face and he fell. Rotting fish start hitting some and revolting others. Those who were not smacked by some trout or pinched by a crab, were down vomiting.
A herring hit and broke the jail lock. The clowns were free and joined the ranks of the ladies. Clowns and little old ladies are not a good combo!
“OH YOU FOOLS! THEY ARE SWEEPING THE FISH!”
“Call the special team!” cried an officer. “SWAT?”, asked the dispatcher. “No, no SWAT. THE VIKINGS!!!”
A group of huge macho-looking Vikings appeared and formed a line between the ladies and the barricade. They stood in silence for a few seconds. Then a lovely (but mad) voice was heard.
“Ay papi you are so hot! Come to mama!” Elsa, out of her senses threw herself on the youngest Viking she could fine and started kissing him! Confused the Vikings paralised!
“Bring Barbie!” someone cried.
A young blonde bikini girl was brought in front. The Vikings stared like hypnotised.
Suddenly she screamed… an ear piercing noise, then she giggled… and they were lost. She run and all of them followed, never to be found again!
“That was a low shot you skunks! Wanna get what you deserve? BRING BIG BERTA!”
Men panicked for they thought they were going to be blown off. A big tractor entered the scene carrying a small wagon behind.
“The fish was for babies. THIS is for you!” A huge live shark was being carried. All together they lifted her and throw her over the other group, knocking friends and foes.
Berta bitted and twisted terrifying everyone. Everyone run for their lives and fled the station.
Clowns joined the ladies and celebrated. Elsa said to a red nose clown “Uh papi what big nose you have” She was still shocked by the telegram and the Viking refusal to “join her ranks”.
In the meantime, an officer who had just gotten there, looked at all the mess and said watching the tractor driver… “You are SO getting a ticket for this”.
