« previous next »
Pages: [1] 2   Go Down

Author Topic: "Fletcher's New Place"  (Read 10364 times)

Offline Gustavo

  • Playmo Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 2048
  • Gender: Male
  • At your service
"Fletcher's New Place"
« on: July 11, 2008, 02:43:56 »
"Fletcher's New Place",
PART I

Fletcher had been living near the village of Zirn for quite a time, now: about four years! But Lo! that he finally found a better place for him, near Degendorf. Having just left the place where he was, he's preparing his departure ...




In the woods north of the Dunaj, sometimes a person can still find friends of the silvans. Here's a silvan. She's a young doe, they say. I don't know the speech of the deers, but they say they have a beautiful accent ... Anyway, wherever you find this doe -- whose name happens to be Doe -- you will usually also find ...




... Nomy. Nomy isn't a silvan. She's a hollower, of a quite reputed family, by the way! But we souldn't know that.




                                        Hello, Fletcher!
Hello, Nomy! How are you?                   



Fine ... What are you doing?

Haven't you known? I'm moving.                             
I've found a nice hollower place near                             
Querquetulon, and I decided to try                             
making a place for me to be a little more                             
quiet ...                             



                              Oh ... Querquetulon? ...
                              Not the best place to live ...

I know. But it's a beginning.                             
Wouldn't ye care to give a hand, lass?                             



                              All right ... Only, I'm not sure I can
                              be of big help, you see: you men carry
                              quite a lot of big stuff! ...

Oh, c'mon!: look, I don't have much stuff.                             
You could carry the lighter things ...                             

                              I thought you had more candlesticks ...

I do. They're there, already.                             
I've been taking some of the things                             
before ...                             



&, Once they were talking, it happened that time flew, and they managed to get all the rest on the car, and then, took the way to Querquetulon, the wood south of Degendorf.




                              Whoopa! Whoopa!, Lets go, Friend!,
                              Whoopa! Whoopa! Lets go lad!

And so, have you managed to make acquaintance                             
with that knight you were following, the other day?                             


:blackhair:
Logged
Gus
:blackhair:

Offline Martin Milner

  • Eugene, Oregon, USA
  • Playmo Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 2754
  • Gender: Male
    • An Englishman in Eugene
Re: "Fletcher's New Place"
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2008, 09:24:47 »
Great little story Gus, peaceful scenes are possible in the Medieval setting, even if Playmobil don't encourage them.

I love that little cart, it's useful for so many themes from Romans onwards. I've got several, but have never used them for such a nice story.

My favourite touch is the little bluebird moving about on the running board!

Logged

Offline Richard

  • Retired Playmobil
  • Wargamer
  • Playmo Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 4965
  • Gender: Male
    • Garden Wargaming
Re: "Fletcher's New Place"
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2008, 13:39:22 »



You have a real gift for story telling, Gus!


If you're not careful, you might become another Tolkien ...  :klickywink:


Logged

Offline Timotheos

  • Visitor
  • Playmo Addict
  • ****
  • Posts: 958
  • Gender: Male
Re: "Fletcher's New Place"
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2008, 02:37:58 »
Hi Gus
Nice pictures!  A lot of the narrative is interesting.

My opinion: with installment stories like this, maybe you could end with a stronger hook.

Quote
And so, have you managed to make acquaintance                             
with that knight you were following, the other day?               

The above isn't so bad--and may only seem mild because English is your second language.

Maybe I just needed more context--is there a conflict?  "make acquaintance" is a tame phrase.  On the other hand the fact he was following somebody and may not have caught him suggests some sort of problem is afoot.  But, again, the tameness of the phrase ("make acquaintence") leaves us thinking the archer is just a lonely guy, or some harmless fellow, and was pursuing this knight just to say "hi" (and the knight clearly didn't want to be bothered).

This was the sort of complaints editor made when I was on the market. 

Who?  What?  Where?  Why?  How?

-Tim
Logged

Offline playmofire

  • Klicky Firemeister
  • Playmo Guru
  • ******
  • Posts: 10924
  • Gender: Male
    • Copt Hewick Volunteer Fire Brigade - probably the world's smallest fire brigade!
Re: "Fletcher's New Place"
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2008, 20:02:40 »
Hi Gus,  I like your new story, you're still keeping it simple without too many props and with a nice innocence about it, like a child's story.  Look forward to the next episode.

Tim, the context is here

http://www.playmofriends.com/forum/index.php?topic=2236.0

and then here

http://www.playmofriends.com/forum/index.php?topic=2258.0

Cliffhanger endings can be subtle.
Logged
“Today well-lived makes every yesterday a day of happiness to remember and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”

Offline Timotheos

  • Visitor
  • Playmo Addict
  • ****
  • Posts: 958
  • Gender: Male
Re: "Fletcher's New Place"
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2008, 21:00:40 »
Quote from: playmofire on July 12, 2008, 20:02:40
Hi Gus,  I like your new story, you're still keeping it simple without too many props and with a nice innocence about it, like a child's story.  Look forward to the next episode.

Tim, the context is here

Cliffhanger endings can be subtle.

I mistook Gus's first story as a "playful satire" on us fellows who collect historical military themes, and I didn't see that story having any narrative beyond that.

But, in the end, I'm contradicting myself--the question: why is the archer fellow harassing the knight? argues that I am interested in seeing where this plays out.

-Tim

 
Logged

Offline Gustavo

  • Playmo Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 2048
  • Gender: Male
  • At your service
Re: "Fletcher's New Place"
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2008, 02:23:32 »
About to begin,

"Fletcher's New Place",
PART II



July 20th
Playmofriends Broadcasting

 :lol:

Gus
:blackhair:
Logged
Gus
:blackhair:

Offline playmofire

  • Klicky Firemeister
  • Playmo Guru
  • ******
  • Posts: 10924
  • Gender: Male
    • Copt Hewick Volunteer Fire Brigade - probably the world's smallest fire brigade!
Re: "Fletcher's New Place"
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2008, 06:05:16 »
Sitting waiting to watch! :wave:
Logged
“Today well-lived makes every yesterday a day of happiness to remember and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”

Offline Gustavo

  • Playmo Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 2048
  • Gender: Male
  • At your service
Re: "Fletcher's New Place"
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2008, 20:25:22 »
"Fletcher's New Place",
PART II

"The first part of the trip"
or "On the way to Degendorf"

As Fletcher the Archer and his hollower friend put themselves on the way to Querquetulon, the Wood south of the Bladros' village, they were talking about daily affairs ...




But, er ... What about you, Nomy? Has the magistrate given you
any answer on the matter of the kids?

Oh Fletcher ... It's a very tough matter to a hollower widow ...                                                 
Once they're so young, I believe I'll may ask my                                                 
lord's help on the trials ...                                                 



I know your people don't like intervention of us,
the bigs, but, well ... We're close : I could speak for you,
if need be ...

Nah, you're right : Woudn't help. Thanks, anyway,                                                 
it's kind of you to make such an offer. I'll tell my                                                 
eighth brother, who's magistrate near Utrecz ...                                                 
He could give me ideas on how to use a biggy's                                                 
testimony in my favour. Alas that you are a well                                                 
reputed fellow, among the Tapian hollowers ...                                                 
But, well : Are you avoiding the subject of that                                                 
knight I found you following, the other day,                                                 
or is it an impression of mine? We could talk about                                                 
something else, all right.                                                 



All right, you got me. His name's Elmo. He's the son
of the king, and I--

King Wilhelm's son? King Wilhelm has no son!                                                                     

Right, sorry : Exactly, King Wilhelm has no son ... He's
Lord Davo's son ...

Sir Davo's son is dead ... Long ago!                                                                     

Anyway! : He's Davo's grandson, who ...--



Oh, look! : It's a traveller!                                                                     

Eh?! Oh, you're right ... WHOA, FRIEND!

                                                                      Friend?? Of mine?? Here? How come? ...



                                                                      I'm sorry, lad : You called me "friend", but I
                                                                      can't spot your face in my memory ...
                                                                      Do recall me, please, I beg you!

Hm? ... Oh, all right, I get, I am sorry,                                                                     



... it was a misunderstanding : I wasn't calling                                                                     
you, sir ; Friend is the name of my horse!                                                                     

                                                            Oh?



Well, yeah. But I mean no offense!                                                                     

                                                  None taken ... You seem to be heading east ...
                                                  Do you have room to one more? I could use a lift,
                                                  lad! Age, and last night's dinner, make a man
                                                  a bit heavy to walk all the way need requires!



No problem ... Er, only, you see? : I'm moving, so                                                 
trip might be a bit uncomfortable--                                                 



No way, Fletch! Lets make things right :                                                                     
I'll go back here! : There's plenty of space to                                                                     
me, used to it ... Let the gentleman go here!                                                                     

No way, Nomy! ... Er ... Are you sure?                             

Yep! C'mon! Lets do it easy!                                                                     

Well, thanks, Nomy ... That's very kind of you!                             



All right, mr. ... If you don't mind, could                             
you hold this pot, please?                             

                                                                      Of course, lad! Thanks furry lass!, for your
                                                                      very wise sense of distribution ...

Nomy the hollower is the name they call me, sir.                                                                     

                                                                      All right, madam er, mistress Nomy the hollower!
                                                                      Uhm, if you excuse me, missie hollower-friend ...



                                                                      So ... Everyone's fine there?

I'm comfortable here ... If there was a pillow,                                                 
I could go sleeping ... You still have this flute?                                                 

                                                                      You remember the story?

I am all right, lad!

'Course!                                                           



A' right!! Lets go, then! : LETS GO FRIEND, WHOOPA, WHOOPA!!!                                       

Friend's a good name for a horse ... I am Feortegot.                                                 
Holtz. & Ye are ... Nomy the the hollower and ... ?                                                 

                                                                                                              reeeeeench! pfrfrfrfrfrfrfrfrfr! ...



                                                                      Me' pleasure, mr. Feortegot ; I'm Fletcher! Fletcher, the adventurer!

                                                  Woll ... Pleasure's mine! & I am sorry, missie, for the "furry" joke ...

                              Right : You can make it Nomy Carrot, then ... Mrs..



                                                                                                                                            . . . Come on, Dowy!!

INTERLUDIUM


:blackhair:

Logged
Gus
:blackhair:

Offline Gustavo

  • Playmo Master
  • *****
  • Posts: 2048
  • Gender: Male
  • At your service
Re: "Fletcher's New Place"
« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2008, 13:32:03 »


According to plan, another part of the trip is coming up this weekend. (I hope I'll manage, cause it may turn out not to be a fully free weekend :( ...). It's shot, already, but the shooting hasn't been the most difficult part.

I don't mind commentaries (or suggestions ;) ) in the middle, as long as they come spontaneously, of course! :yup:

'Hope to publish more soon :)

In touch,

Gus
:blackhair:
Logged
Gus
:blackhair:
Pages: [1] 2   Go Up
« previous next »